It’s silly season again and the world has gone mad for made up nativity plays. Meanwhile the annual vicar witch hunt is on. This one is making people question the very existence if the tooth fairy!!
For the record, St Nicholas and Jesus both existed. And they were both white men. Verifiable fact.
Santa vs the real St Nicholas
Following the lead of online retailer Amazon, the Church of England has unveiled plans to use unmanned drones to deliver church services to places of worship, homes, places of work or even outdoors..
While plenty of candidates for the Anglican priesthood continue to come forward, and plenty continue to be ordained, it has long been the Church of England’s policy to reduce the number of paid clergy posts as they cannot afford to pay them, or their pensions. This is because most of the money raised by Henry VIII’s mahoosive sell off of monasteries and their lands was blown by investing unwisely in the property bubble of the 80s.
The new system of drones will allow centrally-piloted, hovering robots to deliver approved services and even display the words on an abdominally-mounted screen. Congregations can request services by typing in the post code of their chosen place of worship, the date, time and type of church service they wish to have and indicating what the drone is to do if nobody is in. These options include: say the service anyway, give the service to a neighbour, leave the service in a safe place, or drop the service into a local church to be said by a human at a later date.
In the wake of London Mayor Boris Johnson’s claim that greed was indeed good, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith, not to be outdone, has claimed that all seven traditional deadly sins are fine and dandy and part of contemporary Conservatism.
“Boris was quite right,” claimed IDS, “avarice and greed rightly lie at the very foundation of our economic vision, but of course, that is only part of the story. We should work tirelessly and without shame to put all seven at the heart of national life.
“If Boris were to look at my department, he’d see that we’re already:
and, when added to greed, that accounts for six out of the seven.”
Boris Johnson commented, “Cripes! Old Duncan Smith must be very proud…”
Please consider signing the WOWpetition which calls for a Cumulative Impact Assessment of Welfare Reform, and a New Deal for sick & disabled people based on their needs, abilities and ambitions. Click this paragraph to find out more.
It emerged today that former Archbishop of Canterbury, George Carey, is to be placed as an exhibit in David Cameron’s 15 million pound, tax-payer funded Museum of Thatcher.
“Basically, the Church of England had a whip round and raised a suitably eye-watering sum to grab the attention of the government.”, explained a Church House spokesperson, “It wasn’t hard to persuade lots of our members to contribute significant sums of money, even in these austere times. We simply pointed out to members of the C of E that if Carey was sounding off among the kinds of Daily Mail reader types who will actually go to the Thatcher Museum, he wouldn’t be shooting his mouth off at inopportune moments in the Britain which the rest of us have to inhabit. So we can get on with trying to be a Christian presence in every community, proclaiming the Gospel in a variety of ways, being Church as authentically as God has equipped us to be without Carey distracting the media – or us – from the tasks in hand.”
Some of our followers aren’t from the Church of England and don’t know all of the strange terminology we use. At the moment there is a “Synod”. This is to help you understand what a synod looks like.