“His first avowed intent to be a penguin” and 19 other hilarious hymn typos

It all started with Bosco Peters sharing this very funny hymn typo on his Facebook page:

1. hymn typo from @liturgy

“In tits fullness undiminished”

Then I asked our fans on twitter and Facebook for their best examples of hymn typos. Here is a selection of the funniest.

2.

Chris is made the sure foundation

“Chris is made the sure foundation”

3.

“Clam rising through change and through storm”

4.

Do you reject “Stan and all his works”?

5.

“They burned my body and they thought I’d gone”

6.

“In his hands he gently bares us”

7.

“Penis Angelicus”

8. “What a fiend we have in Jesus”

9.

angus die

“Angus die”

10.

glaze

“Sheep May Softly Glaze”

11.

hanging

“Jesus you are hanging me”

12.
July

“My hope to follow July”

13.

peach

“your peach in our hearts, Lord, at the end of the day”

14.

penguin

“His first avowed intent to be a penguin”

15.

porpoise

“Communion hums”

16.

unicorn

“Thy unicorn grace bestoweth”

17.

farts

“Set our farts on fire”

18.

sin

“The Lord Christ has given us a sin”

19.

vicious

“I will make you vicious old men”

20.

sin2

“Sin to the Lord with all of your heart”

 

Clergy Hail Launch of Onesie Vestments

Suppliers of traditional Christmas presents for clergy had a lucky escape when the Church of England’s new Onesie Vestments were launched a critical few weeks too late, missing out on Christmas sales completely.

“We were very afraid that sales of our traditional ‘tat for clergy’ presents would be hit by the clerical Onesies,” explained Mervin Stoat of Tat for Clergy, supplier of dubious clergy-gift classics such as World’s Coolest Vicar lapel buttons, Jesus Saves piggy banks, My other shirt has a dog collar on it T-shirts, Quick – look busy! It’s the Archdeacon! hoodies and the Pope on a Rope Soap, “but thankfully there was a production delay while the House of Clergy argued about the designs.”

The Onesies have indeed proved controversial, with accusations that it would be unfair for rural priests in particular to snuggle within thermally-lined, all-in-one garments during the winter months while their congregations watched their breath condense and then freeze into particles of light hail.  Some dissent was also expressed regarding the appearance of the chasuble in the Onesie arrangement which some claim would make a priest look as though they were wearing a wing-suit. “Personally, I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” said Rev’d Rock Northerner, who was already developing plans to incorporate a swooping entrance from a flaming bell tower by wing-suit onto a waiting Harley Davidson as a processional for his alternative extreme-sport liturgy.

flying_bishop

Onesie vestments are also expected to be popular with flying Bishops.

Rural priests are especially keen on the new designs due not only to their thermal properties but also to their integrated catheter and urine storage system. “Nipping round the back of church to bob down among the holly bushes will be a thing of the past.” commented Rev. Penny Walnut-Bladder, “It was no joke: coffee after each of five morning services in the Benefice and no internal plumbing in any of the churches.”

The new vestments will be available in a variety of liturgical hues, but designers have taken great pains to avoid using the exact Pantone colour of any of the Teletubbies.

Anglicans to stay up till Midnight to witness The Doctor’s regeneration

In a Midnight Special, the Archbishop of Canterbury will regenerate himself into a younger, less hirsute version.

In a Midnight Special, the Archbishop of Canterbury will regenerate himself into a younger, less hirsute version.

Fans of the Church of England are expected to stay up until Midnight on December 31st to witness the regeneration of Doctor Rowan Williams into the 105th Archbishop of Canterbury.

Eschewing a Christmas Day Special, the C of E opted for a midnight event on the brink of a New Year for the transition between the 104th Prime Lord and his successor. Controversially, the new Prime Lord of the Church of England is not a Doctor and is not expected to have a female Bishop as a travelling companion (at least for his first few series).

It is expected that the Church of England will begin marketing figurines of the new Archbishop early in 2013, together with updated versions of his trademark Sonic Crozier and unique travelling machine the TARDIS (Theological And Reflective Discussions In Synod).

The Capable Curate’s multiple choice test

This post appeared on Part Time Priest’s blog. Funny and encouraging – especially if you’re an ordinand or curate.

Capable Curate’s Multiple Choice Test

I normally say a few prayers in the morning. I have read a few books on spirituality – some were dull. I know what the letters BVM stand for. I fancy Rob Bell in his (liberal evangelical) glasses. I thank God for the smell of blossom after rain.