Lord Carey to feature in Cameron’s Thatcher Museum

ImageIt emerged today that former Archbishop of Canterbury, George Carey, is to be placed as an exhibit in David Cameron’s 15 million pound, tax-payer funded Museum of Thatcher.

“Basically, the Church of England had a whip round and raised a suitably eye-watering sum to grab the attention of the government.”, explained a Church House spokesperson, “It wasn’t hard to persuade lots of our members to contribute significant sums of money, even in these austere times. We simply pointed out to members of the C of E that if Carey was sounding off among the kinds of Daily Mail reader types who will actually go to the Thatcher Museum, he wouldn’t be shooting his mouth off at inopportune moments in the Britain which the rest of us have to inhabit. So we can get on with trying to be a Christian presence in every community, proclaiming the Gospel in a variety of ways, being Church as authentically as God has equipped us to be without Carey distracting the media – or us – from the tasks in hand.”

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Lord Carey to offer training course for retired clergy

ImageLord Carey of Clifton today launched a course for retired senior clergy of all denominations. The scheme is aimed at recently retired Pontiffs, Metropolitans and Archbishops and offers advice from Carey’s long experience as a retired Archbishop.

Modules include:

Changing the narrative – how to get the nation talking about things you liked to get them talking about when you were in charge, ideally just as your successor has got them noticing core Gospel issues

Distraction from mission – how to get people to focus on sex, money and divisions in the church

Helping the media – how to be available at a moment’s notice to speak to an agenda set by the Daily Mail and the Today programme

How to be easily misquoted – devising soundbites which convert into a controversial headline which doesn’t reflect what you imagined you’d said

Meanwhile, the rest of the Church of England had other anxieties as they tried to get the media interested in the poor and vulnerable in the UK who were about to lose benefits, homes and hope on Easter Monday, and held in their thoughts and prayers all those who were suffering and dying all around the world for their sexuality, their political opinions and their faith over the Easter weekend.