Pope Not To Be Known As Francis I After All

ImageAmid excited scenes in Rome after the announcement of the election of Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio as Bishop of Rome and Pontiff, it was announced that he is to take the name Francis. In a break with tradition, he will not be known as “Pope Francis I” until another Pope bearing the same name comes along. During his Pontificate, he wishes to be known as His Holiness Pope Francis Solus Unus Tam Longe. Rendered in English, this is Pope Francis The Only One So Far and is a name chosen by Cardinal Bergoglio following time spent ministering among Anglican pedants.

Conclave Elects Queen Elizabeth II Pope in Falklands Ballot Mix-up


The new Pontiff is expected to take the name Pope Henry I, just to rub it in.

There were gasps of surprise around the world as the Conclave inadvertently elected Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Supreme Governor of the Church of England as Pope.

It emerged overnight that Argentinian Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio had left a copy of the Falklands referendum ballot papers near the Sistine Chapel office photocopier. A Vatican intern mistakenly copied and distributed these among the Cardinals, assuming them to be Papal ballot slips. Cardinals noticed the slips looked rather different to usual but assumed that this was merely an innovation of Pope Benedict. They  then voted overwhelmingly in favour of “political status as an Overseas Territory of the United Kingdom”. As the vote of 99.8% in favour was well over the two thirds majority required for papal election, this triggered immediate white smoke over the Vatican and the Roman Catholic Church announcing the election of the Supreme Governor of the Church of England – Queen Elizabeth II – as Pope.

A clearly distressed Emeritus Pope (who wished to remain anonymous) said, “This is not what I had in mind at all. However, God moves in mysterious ways.”