JC fails to step down


In the wake of a series of high-profile resignations in the UK, Jesus Christ has failed to step down as Head of the Church of England.  Pressure had been mounting on the Son of God to “do the decent thing” and “get on with his [eternal] life” following aggressive reports about the failure of the Church of England to gain support in opinion polls.

After a week or so of steppings-down, including the UK’s Prime Minister and Renowned Cockwomble David Cameron, UKIP Leader Nigel Farage, Top Gear Shoutmeister Chris Evans, England Kick-a-ball Supremo Roy Hodgson and Brexit Lie-meister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, the Church of England might have seemed an unlikely target for a fresh expression of national exasperation with leadership.

But while grassroots members of the Church of England were still overwhelmingly supportive of JC’s headship of the Church Universal, rumours have been circulating that a splinter group of General Synod members were blaming JC for a lack of leadership, being insufficiently able to engage with the right wing media, not being willing to share a platform with the powers and dominions of this present darkness, and having a beard.

Despite the muttering campaign, however, while politicians come and go,  JC remains in place, not only as head of the Church, but also its cornerstone.

IDS trumps Boris: All deadly sins are virtues, actually

In the wake of London Mayor Boris Johnson’s claim that greed was indeed good, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith, not to be outdone, has claimed that all seven traditional deadly sins are fine and dandy and part of contemporary Conservatism.

ids02“Boris was quite right,” claimed IDS, “avarice and greed rightly lie at the very foundation of our economic vision, but of course, that is only part of the story. We should work tirelessly and without shame to put all seven at the heart of national life.

“If Boris were to look at my department, he’d see that we’re already:

and, when added to greed, that accounts for six out of the seven.”

Boris Johnson commented, “Cripes! Old Duncan Smith must be very proud…”


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