Following several days without bitter cold or rain, and with summer temperatures being sustained for more than three days of summer, the Church of England has launched a manual of advice for coping with unAnglican forms of summer weather.
Extracts from the manual:
- Clergy are advised to brag on Twitter about how cool their churches remain, despite it being up in the 80s or 90s outside.
- Full vestments must continue to be worn. However, a training video has been made available on Youtube in which Revd Kate Bottley demonstrates forms of liturgical dance designed to waft breezes up appropriate openings throughout the service
- Sources of heat in church such as candles, computers, projectors and menopausal readers are to be kept locked in the vestry for the duration
- Clergy are discouraged from preaching hellfire and brimstone sermons and from using ‘the exploding orb of nuclear fusion in the sky’ as a visual aid in this regard
- Coffee after the service is to be replaced by Pimms, gin & tonics or very weak orange squash
The manual is only available online as it is not expected to be required very often. However, the far more popular tract “Water: how to stem its flow into your church from all directions” continues to be a bestseller.
Anglican Memes 
How splendid to read yet another reference about the Rev’d Kate Bottley. She has certainly made a notable impression within the CofE. Good for her !
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Funny, until it gets to the “menopausal readers”. Let us refer then to randy old church wardens whose bladder problems cause them to feel “hotter” than their capabilities. This would be an equally unfunny reference to gender and age.