Following extensive lobbying from clergy spouses, BT has launched a bespoke service for members of the clergy who find that the concept of them having a day off is not one their parishioners fully comprehend.
The service uses a range of technological innovations to ensure that the single day of the week which clergy have as their designated day off is not interrupted by phone calls other than those most vital. Those phoning on the day programmed into the BT system as the day off will find that they are met with a variety of responses, ranging from a recorded voice apologising for a technical fault, to white noise, static, the soundtrack of a Mexican wrestling film or a call centre-style system involving keying in increasingly tricksy combinations of numbers and the hash key which always culminates in being cut off.
As well as being able to allow calls from specific, trusted numbers through, the system is programmed to sense whether the call was truly urgent by monitoring subsequent calls made from the same number. If the next call features certain key-phrases, the system will immediately pass on the relevant phone number and the key-phrase used to the priest concerned.
Key-phrases which will trigger the failsafe include:
…and might not regain consciousness…
…church is on fire…
….Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice…
…doesn’t she know I’m the Bishop?