In an article in today’s Maily Fail, the Secretary of State for Policy Based on Whimsy, Mr. Brian Jove, criticised clergy who had closed their churches due to snow last Sunday. “It really should be the case that churches are kept open wherever possible. Many hardworking people rely on churches being open to have somewhere to send other members of their family while they catch up on their X-Boxes and read the papers on a Sunday morning, and this kind of over-cautious approach panders to the sort of idle scroungers who enjoy having a lie in.”

Jove will introduce a Bill creating a new Sunday on a Wednesday in the summer for each snow Sunday missed. These days will be named Jove Days. Bri Jove’s draft bill will be consulted upon by his friends at dinner parties, and by leaders of private sector churches including G4Sunday but not by the Church of England as Jove points out that he “wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise for them, like we did over the gay marriage legislation.”