There was widespread outrage today as it was officially announced that God had anointed Saul of Tarsus as Apostle, one of the most senior roles in the Church. There had been much speculation regarding the role of Apostle to the Gentiles, much heralded in Scripture and by Jesus himself.

“We were obviously expecting one of the existing apostles to take up that role,” explained a clearly exasperated disciple, “you know, someone who can relate to ordinary folk, like one of the fishermen for instance.  Instead we get this upper-class bloke who went to some posh Pharisee school who’s worked in the lucrative tent-making industry. He’s only been a follower of Jesus two minutes and already God’s sending him on a Gospel-spreading tour of the eastern-Mediterranean, anointed by the Holy Spirit and everything.”.

Earlier in the week, Ladbrokes suspended betting on Apostle to the Gentiles after a flurry of large bets were placed in the Damascus area, backing Saul for the role.